Impact Wrestling Review - May 11, 2017

By Graham "GSM" Matthews

Andrew Everett def. Dezmond Xavier, Caleb Konley and Matt Sydal in a Four-Way Match

Aaaaaand we're back to getting meaningless muli-man matches in the X-Division where nobody gets over. Seriously, hasn't Impact Wrestling learned their lesson by now? As fun as these matches are with everyone hitting crazy spots and whatnot, I'm hardly invested in the action as a viewer because I know nothing about any of the competitors. For example, Sydal just beat Eddie Edwards last week, yet lost this matchup for no apparent reason. Also, why haven't we heard from Low Ki since he won the title? The return of Ultimate X next week won't solve the many issues the division is facing at the moment.

Ethan Carter III Attacked JAmes Storm

EC3's comedy can be hit or miss most of the time, and his shtick mocking Storm while dressed like a cowboy did nothing for me. Maybe others laughed at it, but I didn't so much as chuckle once. EC3 gets a little too cute with his comedy for his own good at certain points (he reminds me of fellow Ohio native Dean Ambrose in that respect). Thankfully, the segment was salvaged when he went into serious mode and proceeded to beat Storm over and over and over by whipping him with a belt. That was an uncomfortable scene, but in a good way that will allow EC3 to elicit heat.

Lardeo Kid and Garza Jr def. Idris Abraham and Hakim Zane

Laredo and Garza are a fun duo, but the only thing known about their characters so far is that they fight for lucha libre. This match wasn't the greatest, largely thanks to their clumsy opponents, but Laredo had one dumb moment as well when he wasted time taking off his pants (no joke) and it almost cost him the match. Other than that, he and Garza are a solid addition to the tag team division, but they should receive more character development in the near future.

Laurel Van Ness def. Ava Storie​

For those curios, Van Ness continues to compete in her wedding gown from two months ago and wrestles like a psycho, so this was nothing like the Van Ness from when she originally debuted. I hope she isn't in this phase forever because this was absolutely atrocious. Storie sucks, so that was obviously a factor, but Van Ness' matches won't be very good as long as she isn't able to actually showcase her skills.

Veterans of War Crashed LAX's Funeral For Decay

Crazzy Steve is legitimately gone from Impact Wrestling, hence why Decay is officially done and the reason for the "funeral." LAX is one of the most entertaining acts in the company in my opinion, but I could do without Konnan being involved. While I wasn't impressed with their debut match, Veterans of War didn't come off terribly here, and they're of course a logical next set of challengers for LAX given their gimmick.

Impact Grand Champion Moose def. MArshe Rockett

It was hilarious hearing Josh Mathews ask The Pope early on what Rockett did to deserve a shot at the Impact Grand Championship and Pope responded with something along the lines of, "He's had a few impressive outings." I couldn't tell you one match Rockett has won in his seven months with Impact Wrestling. The crowd couldn't have cared less about this and they shouldn't have, so on the bright side, it didn't last long. He was ambushed by Eli Drake, Tyrus and Chris Adonis afterward, so he has a few different opponents he can work with in the weeks ahead.

Alisha Edwards def. Angelina Love by Disqualification

I'm almost certain it was alluded to early on in the angle when Davey Ricards first turned on Edwards that Alisha had zero wrestling experience, though she does in actuality. That said, she wrestled here like she's been doing it forever, and she has, so I guess they're not going the Allie route with her in pretending she can't wrestle. It was a fine match, but the post-match attack from the heels on the faces was well done and the real highlight.

Alberto El Patron def. Magnus to Win the GFW Global Championship

El Patron vs. Magnus may not exactly be a dream match for the ages, but they're two extremely talented wrestlers and thus I wasn't surprised they put together a pretty good matchup. Magnus seemingly settling into a heel role last week definitely helped the fans get behind El Patron here without there being confusion as to who to cheer for and the in-ring work was above-average I thought. I figured El Patron would win the GFW Global title considering the massive push he's received since arriving in the company and I'm sure the Impact Wrestling World Heavyweight Championship won't be far behind.

Overall Show

The last two weeks of Impact Wrestling programming have not been that good, which is a shame because the creative direction on the whole since the reboot two months ago had been decent. Here's hoping this is merely a bump on the road. Luckily, Karen Jarrett was nowhere to be seen on this show, but there was a minimal amount of highlights outside of the main event and EC3's attack on Storm.