By Graham "GSM" Matthews
ECW Champion Christian, Kane and The Great Khali def. The Ruthless Roundtable
Khali returning alongside Kane made absolutely no sense. If you can recall, Khali was taken off TV to begin with at the hands of Kane in early September. Although they had a common enemy in The Ruthless Roundtable according to Christian, it was still stupid. If nothing else, the match was effective in further teasing tension among the members of The Ruthless Roundtable. It wasn't long after that they officially went their separate ways.
Kofi Kingston def. Cody Rhodes by Disqualification
With Kingston being fresh off his loss to Randy Orton at TLC the night prior, WWE dropped the ball by not having him speak on this show. Even if he didn't win an award, it would have helped him big time to talk about the loss even if it was brief. This match certainly didn't do him any favors, but at least Evan Bourne coming to his aid set up the subsequent tag team match going into the commercial break.
The Legacy def. Kofi Kingston and Evan Bourne
This match really wasn't much of anything once they came back from break. It was already underway and we only saw a minute or two of it before it abruptly ended. And yes, Kingston and Bourne teamed up before they officially became known as Air Boom and won the WWE Tag Team Championship in 2011. In fact, they teamed a handful of times in ECW as well. Bourne taking the Cross Rhodes looked super sweet, but what was the point of Kingston losing to Orton's goons? You'd think they would have allowed him to bounce back considering he came up short against Orton at TLC.
John Cena def. CM Punk in a Semifinals Match in the 2009 Superstar of the Year Tournament
Punk's pre-match promo about "retiring" Jeff Hardy was a riot, but the match that followed between him and Cena was a massive disappointment. Thankfully, this wasn't their first ever outing, as they contested one hell of a match on the Thanksgiving edition of Raw one month earlier. Cena steamrolling through Punk made the latter look like a complete goof. Cena proclaiming afterward that he wouldn't lose another match until he regained the WWE Championship also foreshadowed the finish of the main event as well. Ugh.
Randy Orton def. World Heavyweight Champion The Undertaker in a Semifinals Match in the 2009 Superstar of the Year Tournament (Non-title)
Had Cena vs. Punk not gone under a minute, I likely would have been angrier about this match. They didn't waste much time before getting to their signature spots and by that point, they took the action to ringside and Undertaker was counted out after Orton hit him with an RKO. Again, knowing what they were capable of from their strong series of matches in 2005, this was very underwhelming. I know Batista would make a hilarious appearance later on in the evening by interrupting Maria Kayne-style, but it would have made more sense if he cost Undertaker the win here.
Jeri-Show def. Unified Tag Team Champions D-Generation X by Disqualification
Coming off the last two disappointments, this match continued the streak. What a joke. The fans were excited to see a tag team title rematch take place, but instead, they were subjected to seeing DX use heel tactics to disqualify themselves and retain their titles. I know Jericho was the heel, but this was far from fair. He'd end up coming back to Raw several times before getting booted from the show for good on the first episode of 2010.
John Morrison, Yoshi Tatsu and Mark Henry def. Intercontinental Champion Drew McIntyre, United States Champion The Miz and Zack Ryder
Morrison and McIntyre were obviously feuding at that time, and Miz and Henry might have had a few matches against each other here and there, but Ryder and Tatsu were randomly thrown in there just to say ECW was involved somehow. The rivalry between Morrison and McIntyre wasn't furthered in any meaningful way when Tatsu pinned Ryder for the win. Basically, this was a waste of time.
Divas Champion Melina, Mickie James, Kelly Kelly, Gail Kim, Maria and The Bella Twins def. Women's Champion Michelle McCool, Layla, Maryse, Rosa Mendes, Alicia Fox, Natalya and Beth Phoenix
Whose bright idea was it to have all the women dress up for their match? I'm assuming it was because they were all eligible to be voted Diva of the Year, but in that case, Fox, Hall and Mendes shouldn't have even bothered getting dressed up. The match was extremely awkward and clunky as a result, but unsurprisingly, it was kept relatively brief and James did most of the in-ring work for her team. Maria may have been the fan favorite to win the Diva of the Year Award, but she did absolutely nothing that year.
John Cena def. Randy Orton to Become the 2009 Superstar of the Year
I can't believe I'm saying this, but Cena and Orton contested the best match of the night. Granted, there wasn't any competition with every other match going under three minutes, but it was solid while it lasted. It felt too soon to hold another encounter between them since it had been less than two months since their Iron Man match, but I suppose it was a fitting way of ending a year that centered about their feud. At the same time, it was illogical to determine a Superstar of the Year by holding a tournament, and I'm glad that concept was never used again.
Of all the Slammy Awards that have been held since 2008, this is easily the worst I've ever seen. It might not have been that deplorable at the time, but watching it back was a real drag. A handful of the matches were terrible and the fallout from TLC wasn't well done, either. On the bright side, I enjoyed Dennis Miller's comedy this time around than I did six years ago. He gave the gig his best and his interactions with Triple H and Mr. McMahon had me dying of laughter. Other than that, there are other Slammy Award installments that are worth your time.