By Graham "GSM" Matthews
The Carters Opened the Show
Dixie's heel shtick can be hit or miss most of the time, but I didn't really mind her performance here. Sure, the concept that every winner gets a turkey dinner was stupid and gimmicky, but her mic work was kept short and sweet for the most part. It was also good to see Ethan Carter III finally say something different and appear alongside Dixie, as that is who is helping him generate heat in the first place. Adding Rockstar Spud to the Carter act is fine by me, if only because he hadn't been doing anything else since the moment he was signed to a contract. He isn't a necessary addition to the act, but at least he'll be a regular on television going forward.
Ethan Carter III def. Curry Man
I started watching TNA around August 2008 and didn't get to see much of Curry Man before he was "released" from the company, so it was fun to see him make an appearance here. It was same old shtick for EC3, but as I said last week, at least it is better than him facing Dewey Barnes and Norv Fernum for a millionth time. It was a basic enhancement talent match for EC3, but he needs an actual program with an established star and fast.
Lei'D Tapa def. Velvet Sky
The match thankfully didn't overstay its welcome, as neither Knockout is all that great in the ring at the moment. Tapa is still somewhat green but will get better in time, whereas Sky will always be sloppy in the ring. Nonetheless, it was a nice win for Tapa and a good way to establish her as a force to be reckoned with in the Knockouts division. Will she be the one who ultimately takes the title from Gail Kim? Maybe at some point down the line, but certainly not anytime soon.
World Tag Team Champions The Bro-Mans def. Norv Fernum and Dewey Barnes in a Turkey Suit Match (Non-title)
One of the reasons I dread episodes of Impact on Thanksgiving is for this very match. The stipulation is so insanely stupid that it is almost unbearable to watch. This year's installment was no exception, as the match was over within a matter of seconds and two jobless losers were forced into the suit. As I said before, this was one giant waste of time and easily one of the worst segments I have seen on TNA television in a long while. I was never a fan of Zema Ion, but he has now become an obnoxious addition to The Bro-Mans act as a disc jockey at ringside instead of competing in the X-Division. Unreal.
Mr. Anderson Held a Funeral for Aces and Eights
I am sure if it was just me or not, but I found this segment to be absolutely hysterical. Everyone played their parts perfectly and the small things such as Anderson refusing to give Kurt Angle a beer and Mike Tenay slipping Brooke's booty shorts into his jacket made me legitimately laugh out loud. To top it all off, Bully Ray's promo was phenomenal and showed true character evolution. I am highly anticipating what the future holds for him.
Team Roode def. Team Angle in an Eight Man Elimination Tag Team Match
Yes, I am well aware that this was a blatant rip-off of WWE's Survivor Series match, but TNA has done it in the past, so I won't complain about that here. The action was solid for the most part, but I found it really hard to get engaged in it all when it was basically a clean sweep for Team Roode. Magnus' injury was a good way to protect him through being eliminated and might lead to something next week when he faces Angle, but everything else was mind boggling. I am glad to see Roode continue to get the upper hand in his feud with Angle, but I expected much more from this match.
A Winner-Winner-Turkey-Dinner Ended in Mass Chaos
The mic work by some of the heels was humorous and it was nice to see the Chris Sabin/Velvet Sky story furthered despite the fact it hasn't been addressed in weeks, but as a whole this segment was beyond boring. Angle and company coming out was predictable and you could see the food fight coming from a mile away. It was a ridiculous way to close out the show, but given the fact it was a holiday edition of Impact, I guess I shouldn't have been surprised.
I don't know if it was all the turkey I ate or what, but I couldn't help but fall asleep by the end of the show. Granted, it was a holiday themed show and TNA tends to do this every year on Thanksgiving, but it was a throwaway episode that didn't have many redeemable qualities. If anything, I would suggest going out of your way to watch the hilarious Aces and Eights funeral. Besides that, I would wait until next week's show when they get back on track with two more matches in the TNA title tournament.