By Carson Koschik
The final "big four" PPV is almost upon us, and overall the card seems pretty underwhelming. We have a rematch from the last PPV, Big Show in the main event, and two "traditional" Survivor Series matches which are in not traditional Survivor Series matches. But just because the card isn't the most exciting sounding doesn't mean the event doesn't have the potential to be good. Punk and Bryan will probably tear the house down versus the Wyatt Family, and I'm sure Cena and Del Rio will have a great match (even though it will be predictable as hell). But exactly how awful can Survivor Series end up being? Well that's why I'm here, to tell you just how bad it can possibly get so the actual event will seem nothing less than great.
CM Punk & Daniel Bryan vs. The Wyatt Family
As the Wyatt's make their entrance, CM Punk and Daniel Bryan give them a taste of their own medicine and attack them from behind. In the attack, Luke Harper is injured and is deemed incapable of participating in the match. Just as it seems as if the match is going to become a handicap match, with Erick Rowan facing CM Punk and Daniel Bryan alone, Bray Wyatt picks up the mic and begins to laugh. "Do you really think that there aren't more of us? Follow the BO-zzards!". Bo Dallas makes his way down the entrance ramp and reveals himself to be the true leader of the Wyatt Family. He dismisses Erick Rowan and tells the referee that he himself will face CM Punk and Daniel Bryan. Three minutes later, Bo Dallas pins both Bryan and Punk at the same time as he gives his trademark smile and thumbs up to the camera.
Total Divas vs. "True Divas"
The match starts off with Brie Bella in the ring against Tamina Snuka. Just as they are about to lock up, Eva Marie tags herself in. She stares down Tamina Snuka and begins to taunt her. Tamina attempts to clothesline Eva, but Eva ducks under and locks Tamina Snuka in the Figure Four. Tamina Snuka taps out, much to the excitement of the Total Divas. Eva Marie stands proudly in the ring as she begins to challenge the members of the other team to step into the ring with her. One by one, Eva Marie eliminates everybody on the opposite team with her Figure Four until only the Divas Champion AJ Lee is remaining. AJ Lee enters the ring with a look of fear in her eyes. Eva Marie tells AJ that she won't have to fight her, and she tags in JoJo. JoJo, surprised by the tag, cautiously steps in the ring for the first time. She looks around at the crowd as Natalya awkwardly attempts to start a JoJo chant. AJ Lee goes to attack JoJo, but JoJo hits her with a spear out of nowhere. JoJo pins AJ for the 3 count as the rest of the Total Divas get in the ring and hug as the crappy Divas theme song plays in the background.
Brhodes, The Usos, & Rey Mysterio vs. The Shield & The Real Americans
Jack Swagger starts off the match for his team and just completely takes control. One by one, the other team falls to Jack Swagger and his unquenched thirst for blood. By the end, Rey Mysterio is the last on standing. Rey Mysterio gets in the ring and stands face to face with Jack Swagger. Jack Swagger picks him up for a Gutwrench Powerbomb, but Mysterio reverses and whips him to the second rope for the 619. Before Rey can hit it, Roman Reigns tries to spear him, but Rey reverses and whips him into the second rope right beside Swagger. Cesaro comes in and picks up Rey for the Big Swing, but Rey once again reverses and whips into the second rope beside Swagger and Reigns. Ambrose and Rollins come in the ring to attack Rey, but Rey hits them both with a dropkick, causing them to stumble and fall onto the second rope beside Swagger, Reigns, and Cesaro. Rey notices that all five men are dazed on the second rope directly beside each other, and he calls for the 619. Rey goes through the ropes and hits a five-man 619, causing all five of them to fall over and stack on each other perfectly lined up with the top rope. Rey Mysterio climbs the turnbuckle and falls on top of all five men, and proceeds to pin all of them for the win. The celebration is cut short however, as Sin Cara's music hits and he comes out. He enters the ring and attacks Rey much to the shock of the crowd. Unfortunately, Sin Cara injures both himself and Rey during the attack, and the feud never begins.
Big E Langston (c) vs. Curtis Axel
Big E Langston comes out to his theme song, which has now had dubstep added to it. Curtis Axel makes his way to the ring and goes right for Langston. Curtis Axel locks in a rest hold as we go to commercial. When we get back from the break, Curtis Axel still has Langston in a rest hold. Out of nowhere, Langston throws Axel into the ropes and hits him with the clothesline. He picks up Axel for the Big Ending, but David Otunga's music hits and Langston drops Axel because his attention is now focused on the entrance ramp. Otunga enters the arena, coffee cup in hand, and smirks at Langston. Axel rolls up Big E from behind to win back the Intercontinental Championship. Axel quickly exits the ring and grabs the IC title. He runs towards Otunga and snaps the belt in half, giving one half to Otunga. The reunited team of Axel and Otunga stand at the top of entrance way as Co-Intercontinental Champions.
John Cena (c) vs. Alberto Del Rio
The bell rings, and Del Rio immediately exits the ring. He re-enters at the count of nine, but immediately exits once again. After doing this about four or five more times, he finally locks up with Cena. Cena hits him with the AA out of nowhere, but Del Rio rolls out of the ring. Cena gets Del Rio back in at the count of nine, but Del Rio hits Cena with a Superkick, causing Cena to roll out of the ring. Del Rio gets Cena back in the ring at the count of nine, but Cena clothesline Del Rio over the top rope, sending them both out of the ring. As the both men lay motionless outside of the ring, Nikki Bella comes running down the ramp to try and help Cena get back in the ring. When she gets Cena to his feet, she kick him in the nuts and sends him into the ring. She picks up Del Rio, rolls him the ring, and places his body on top of Cena's for the three count. Del Rio hoists the World Heavyweight Championship above his head as Nikki wraps her arms around him.
Randy Orton (c) vs. Big Show
Before the match begins, Triple H comes out and says that he will be the special guest referee for the match. The moment the bell rings, Big Show hits Orton with the WMD. He covers Orton as Triple H does a fast count to crown the new WWE Champion Big Show. Triple H gives Big Show the Championship as he picks up a mic and says that Big Show is the new face of the company and that Orton is merely a B+ player. Show begins a monster heel push while Orton becomes the number two face in the company while battling the Authority.